welcome to the real world.

i came home hoping for a relaxing fall break and i got something much different. instead my world and perceptions of my world have been turned upside down. its everything i could have asked for basically falling into my lap, but im still not sure how i feel about it. it scares me to think that im depending on so many outside things to succeed in order to get where i need/want to be, things that are beyond my control. this is not me. i need to be in control of everything. i need to know exactly whats going on at all times. i need to have a plan.

everythings so jumbled up now. ive made decisions, but what if i made the wrong ones. what if the decisions ive made cost me my relationship? what if i get there and have no friends there either?

im putting a lot of faith in things i cant touch.

im not so sure i like it.