these small hours

let it go,
let it roll right off your shoulder
don’t you know
the hardest part is over
let it in,
let your clarity define you
in the end
we will only just remember how it feels

our lives are made
in these small hours
these little wonders,
these twists & turns of fate
time falls away,
in these small hours,
these small hours still remain



i think im growing up.
its a scary place to be, but i see it now. i see myself realizing that your life and your friends and your views are not quite what they used to be. family and your true friends slowly become more important and you begin relying on yourself above all. your work is your satisfaction, how people see you isnt. your friends become the people you work alongside, the people you live with. you isolate yourself to a degree and youre ok with it.

this is growing up.

recognizing that this is how it is.
recognizing your parents are how they are for a reason.
and youll probably be just like them.

i dont think it matters where i go, school will always suck. its school. my parents are paying a lot of money for me to go get my ego beaten to a pulp by some grad student wannabe professor.

but thats school for ya.

when i came home a few weeks ago as a curved the bend in 75 S into the city i realized happily that i could finally listen to good radio stations. i switched to the radio and turned it to Dave and the song at the beginning of this entry was playing. im sure its been out forever or something like that, but you have to understand in tennessee they dont have pop culture, and even if they did id probably still be out of the loop.

what ive learned for being here is that happiness is not a given. happiness doesnt sit on every street corner waiting for you to pass by so you can walk and skip and giggle hand in hand until you reach the next street corner where your next jolly escort awaits.

sometimes happiness has to be sought out.

and its in these small hours when you find the good stuff. the stuff thats worth getting out of bed in the morning for. the feelings and the moments and youll never forget.

its great to have a really fun time, but the times that are really the best are the ones that you wont remember what happened as vividly as youll remember how you felt.

sitting in the basement in huge sweats eating chocolate cake and not watching ms doubtfire.

driving south away from here with the heat and sufjan stevens blasting.

roaming the streets of charleston in heels way too drunk off one glass of wine.

dancing to my favorite songs with my favorite people and the worst seats ever.

wreaking havoc in room 305.

standing on cliff overlooking the ocean with my best friend.

laying in the middle of the road with heather and alex at 2 am in the freezing cold.

sitting amongst cigar smoke and a bunch of really smart people playing trivia.

watching fireworks just barely over the treetops on the fourth of july.

i think about the things in the small hours and it makes me see what a wonderful life ive led. its not about what i didnt do or what i messed up on or what i made on my last graphic design project or what anyone thinks of me. its those things that happen in the small hours, nothing else matters. those things are it. they're so small and short in the grand scheme of things, but in their short fleeting moments they are so wonderful and leave such a lasting impression that they make it all worth while.

damn, i wasnt expecting to cry during this one.


its time to be alive again.